This post should be exist in the past few weeks, due to my laziness and some unexpectedness, it dragged till now. Before i step into my high school, my life is dull. I cared what people thought of me instate of what i thought about myself. I am what people want me to be. Fake. Shallow. I cant bear a single embarrassment in that time. Seriously. In the start of high school, i thought entering a new life will brought me something different. SAME. Dignity and own pride were prioritized. Pretending of what you were not was a very tedious and exhausted way to live. But i gritted my teeth and manage to survive the first two years with the same condition. In form 3, came my turning point.
From a almost complete loner transformed into a proud to call people who had friends. Bit by bit, i am exposing myself. Laughed because i am really happy, cried because i am sad, expressed myself based on the true heart. It taught me friends are vital. Therefore, i will try my best to possess everyone of them. Being selfish because of the fear of losing them which will reverse back my life to nothing. Starting to get mad when they met new friends, rage whenever they never invite you for outing when they invited others, get depressed when you felt left out and etc etc. From that onwards, i sealed myself into a chambers to avoid so-called getting hurt. Just prayed hard that my high school life end in a haste. Get myself into college without any hope of getting any enlightenment in my life and bumped into friends which really care about you and cry for you. Without any fear, share every bits of my life with them which i afraid to share with my high school mates because without being prejudice, they will mock you about that. I cant bear the pang of humiliation so i chose not to tell my high school mates. Day by day, they try were getting back in touch with me. I felt embarrassed of what i did in the high school period. We mingled a lot than usual.
Did things that i never did with my college besties. Sooner and later we ganged ourselves. We played hard, laughed hard. But we never ever get deep into each others' life, the fear of repeating the mistake all over again. We had our very own confidant which is not in the gang, but we were totally cool about it. The gang deducted and added. But we stay put. We start to grow and aged. From karaoke to get drunk. Start to get into each others life bit by bit. But still, keeping secrets from each other like dating and family stuff. Left few of us who spilled out our very own secrets without limits. For now, i can freely become who i want to be without concerning my own pride. Take me at it is or just back off, is a very simple equation. But, please dont tell me, i am begging you please, dont tell me what i did was wrong. Dont make me regret.
Ps: I didnt check my spellings or whatsoever, BEAR WITH ME.
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